Pick a Side, Life Will be Much Easier

The delusion that taking a stand means breaking relationship/connection

I serve, support, and love a disaffiliated United Methodist Church. I am currently a Provisional Elder within the United Methodist Church. I refuse to pick a side!

In 2015, I knew nothing of the United Methodist struggles. I suppose I operated under a delusion. I had not been a regular part of an organized church for quite some time. In fact, I had determined that the Church possessed no answers for the questions I had. I had tried Church. More than once. I always quit going. Not because of the way I was treated. That is the number one answer I hear from people now for why they no longer participate in organized religion. For me, though, it was different. No one had hurt me or betrayed me. I just could not buy that a book written by humans and compiled by humans who were part of a human organization was the infallible Word of God.

I believed in God, and I suspected that some of the things the Bible said about God were true. However, I presumed the truth was somewhere beyond the confines of the Bible. And that kind of view does not go over well in most Christian churches. So, I had resolved to find God elsewhere and not disturb the nice people who were operating under the understandable delusion that this book contained all the answers.

Then, God opened my eyes. That is a story for another day. But the result was that I was transformed. I was somehow distinctly different, particularly in that I suddenly and eagerly sought a church to call home. And I found one that happened to be United Methodist, ironically the same denomination into which I had been baptized as an infant and in which I grew up.

I suppose in my naivete, I presumed that everyone in the Church had experienced the same transformation I had and thus were of the same mind. I know, that sounds ridiculous! When I finally responded to God’s call into pastoral ministry in 2017, though, I suppose I still operated under that delusion that the Church was and could be one in Christ. I had heard smatterings of the struggles within the UMC (over Disciplinary language stating that homosexual lifestyles were incompatible with Christian beliefs), but I figured God must be calling me into this denomination to contribute to the leadership’s efforts to transcend those struggles.

What I would learn over the next seven years, though, was: that the Church was every bit as broken as the world in which I had lived and worked over the course of my 20-year non-church career up to that point; that while I could largely ignore that brokenness in my previous career, ministry would require me to be embroiled in it; and that the Bible’s message of unity in Christ was not one that would be likely to be realized in this world. At this point, you are probably thinking, is this guy an idiot? Or perhaps, in Southern parlance, bless his heart! But first, let me tell you a story.

A Simple Story

I have a dear friend and mentor who is a United Methodist clergy. This friend has walked alongside me throughout my entire journey in ministry. This person has been a constant source of support and guidance. I love this person as a fellow child of God. When my position in the UMC forced me into the thick of the fray that has divided the denomination (see my previous article, “The United Methodist Church is Destroying My Career – One Pastor’s Story”), I sought this person’s counsel.

One of the things this person told me over coffee that day was that they saw our resident bishop as a visionary. I was instantly shocked. Our resident bishop came from Florida where he clashed with the more traditionalist voices there. I had heard he had ordained openly LGBTQIA+ clergy during his time in our Conference, one even in our area. While I had tried to avoid taking sides in the denominational divide, I could not help but notice our resident bishop’s hypocrisy in his handling of the split.  He vehemently advocated for one side of the debate, even allegedly violating Disciplinary mandates, while at the same time espousing a message of unity and holding others accountable to that same Discipline that he had apparently blatantly violated. How could any logical and rational person see this bishop as a visionary?

I was not prepared to conclude that my friend was unreasonable or irrational. I was still convinced by our relationship that this person was imminently rational, logical, intelligent, loving, caring, pragmatic, and sensible. And I still really respected this person’s views. I had built a relationship with this person over the course of several years. And that relationship was not based on our views surrounding the split in the church. Instead, that relationship was built around mutual respect, support, care, and concern.

Leaders Force Us To Pick A Side

I have been told recently that if I just picked a side, life would be much easier. Would it, though? I like the idea of belonging. I like the idea of being of one mind! That’s what the Bible calls us to, right? But something in my friend’s words keeps echoing in my mind –our bishop is a visionary. I still do not get it. I read that same bishop’s most recent words following the historic UMC General Conference in Charlotte. He writes:

The End of Discrimination against LGBTQ+ persons in our churches.
 The most significant change adopted by the General Conference thus far is the removal of discriminatory language against LGBTQ+ persons from our Book of Discipline in paragraph 304.3. . . . These sentences have done great harm to many of our people in virtually every local church and have become an obstacle to our mission.

Yet in that same letter, this same bishop also writes:

We are a Church of Traditionalists, Moderates and Progressives.
 While these labels are not always helpful, the statement is true. Even after a five-year period of disaffiliations, we are blessed with people who have a core belief in Jesus as Lord and Savior (grace), a desire to live together in fellowship (connection) and an additional desire to grow in love with God and our neighbors (holiness). . . . At the same time, churches that are more traditional in conviction—the Book of Discipline identifies this, and our Cabinet practices this—will not receive appointed clergy or conduct services that do not align with their convictions (BOD, paragraph 427. 1b).

Oh, how I wish so many of our Church leaders would just be quiet! Their fiery rhetoric is not helpful. They act as if they are politicians running for some office. The continued hypocrisy is obvious! How can this bishop call out a group of people (Traditionalists) for a history of doing great harm through discrimination, while at the same time advocating for the protection of that same group’s rights to continue practicing that great harm of discrimination? Either the Disciplinary rules over which everyone has fought for years, and which were recently repealed in the UMC General Conference are harmful and discriminatory and should be opposed at all costs, or they are God’s inerrant Word and the rock upon which our Church is built.

Or are these Disciplinary rules over which everyone is fighting, something different? Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, reasonable minds may differ? In my experience with my friend, I can see how that may be the case. Perhaps it is the fiery rhetoric spewed by leaders like our resident bishop – discrimination, harm – (and likewise by many on the other side of this debate) that has poisoned the minds of Christians to believe that their only choice is to take a side. Life will be easier. And indeed, life may be simpler by doing so. But is it easier?

My Yoke Is Easy

Jesus promised that His yoke would be easier (Matthew 11:30). But that does not mean that it will be simple. Navigating relationships with people with whom we have deep scriptural disagreements cannot possibly be simple. But what relationship is? In the end, though, the relationships make things easier. In my experience, my relationship with my friend and mentor has made my journey in ministry much easier. And while I still may not share my friend’s view, I do not believe our differences are as simple as picking a side. And if I did, what witness would that be to God’s Kingdom/Reign? The world sees enough of that in our politics! The Church is supposed to be different!

Perhaps I was not really operating under a delusion back in 2015 after all. Perhaps the delusion is instead believing that taking a stand and picking a side means breaking relationship with other Christians. Instead of picking a side, how about picking afriend on the other side? How about picking a formal connection with a church that’s different from your own? Have conversations, seek understanding, listen. It will not be simpler, but in the long run, it will be easier! Satan seeks to sift us like wheat (Luke 11:31). And it seems like he is doing a pretty darn good job of it! However, I will continue to choose relationships -for me and my household, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).