The United Methodist Church is Destroying My Career - One Pastor's Story

Despite its insistence on progress, the denomination is mired in the binary thinking of the past and leaving destruction in its wake.

Harm, you say?

As I write this article, I am currently a Provisional Elder in the United Methodist Church. If I were a betting man, I would wager that I will not hold those credentials for much longer. I have spent the last seven years (nearly the entire decade of my 40s thus far) working to accomplish my current status of Provisional Elder with the UMC. I now stand poised to have that status stripped from me because I refuse to abandon the congregation to which I was called by God and appointed by the UMC to serve. Given what I have, over the past seven years, seen and learned of this denomination into which I was Baptized as an infant, if the UMC destroys my career as a pastor in the denomination in this way, I will bear that scar as a badge of honor.

The struggles the UMC has endured now for many decades, ostensibly over issues related to human sexuality, have culminated in recent years in an ill-conceived split more commonly referred to within the Church as disaffiliation. I have heard a lot recently about the perpetration of harm among those impacted by the UMC in its struggles related to human sexuality. However, no one has expressed the harm perpetrated by the denomination’s leadership upon those undeserving pastors who found themselves caught in the midst of countless church disaffiliations across the United States. Until now.

I am one such pastor who has been irrevocably harmed by the actions of UMC leadership throughout this time labeled as the season of disaffiliation. I did not ask to be thrust into this position. I did not invite the treatment I have received. Nonetheless, I find myself caught between sides of this denominational struggle despite my best efforts to avoid the fray, and so I stand to unwillingly lose all my work and efforts thus far to become an Ordained Elder. At the same time, I find myself wondering why, given all of that I have witnessed thus far, I, as a bi-vocational second career pastor, ever sought such credentials with this denomination?

An absurd ask and a definite calling

I was called to Piney Grove United Methodist Church, a small rural congregation in a quiet corner of Haywood County, North Carolina back in 2018, when I was unexpectedly asked to add a second church to my very first part-time appointment as a bi-vocational student Licensed Local Pastor with the UMC. While in hindsight, I can see that this request to add a second church was actually quite absurd for a part-time bi-vocational student pastor in a first appointment, I can see God’s hand in that appointment. The request came about due to unforeseen circumstances after Conference appointments had been fixed, and I was likely one of a few expendable clergy who would be asked to overextend myself to meet such a need of the Conference. Nevertheless, I responded to God’s call and to the UMC leadership’s request to add Piney Grove to my appointment and began my service as a brand-new second career, bi-vocational, student pastor who would spend the next four years desperately trying to juggle a first time two-point charge with Seminary, a full-time secular job, a full family, and eventually COVID-19.  Needless to say, God made the impossible possible for me during those years.

After wearing myself out with such a full plate, I eventually finished seminary in 2022 and dropped one church, vowing to focus my time and energy on my family and Piney Grove. I realized at that time that I probably would have walked away from ministry altogether but for my experience at Piney Grove. I witnessed God bless my decision to remain with Piney Grove as the church grew exponentially on the heels of COVID-19 shutdowns, a feat that few churches would realize. I also progressed in my lengthy endeavor to become an Ordained Elder in the UMC which had begun in 2017, being commissioned as a Provisional Elder in the summer of 2023. I thought things were finally settling into a rhythm. I could almost see the end in sight to my journey toward ordination! I could not have been more mistaken.

Lines in the sand

The ugly discord of the UMC’s inevitable division hit closer to home that summer when Piney Grove interpreted our resident Bishop’s fiery rhetoric during Annual Conference as an invitation to depart from formal affiliation with the UMC if they could not actively support the removal of the discriminatory and harmful provisions contained in the UMC discipline related to human sexuality. While this small congregation has never excluded a soul from their midst, they could not accept what they understood as our Bishop’s demand for uniformity of theological thought surrounding the issues on human sexuality which had divided the UMC for decades. They began the process of disaffiliation, and I was suddenly and unwillingly caught between two artificially defined sides of a debate that has raged for years. I loathe the labels that this UMC debate has created – Progressive, Moderate, Traditionalist. They only serve to exacerbate our tendancy toward division and discord. I can understand and appreciate the arguments on all sides, and I earnestly treasure the relationships I have made on each side. However, I quickly learned that there was no longer a place for someone like me in the UMC.

In short order, UMC leadership demanded that I declare my allegiance – I would be forced to choose between the denomination, or this misguided congregation that would ultimately have to reap what it sowed. I loved this congregation. I loved the denomination. I felt called to both. However, lines in the sand had been drawn, and I was given no alternative. While I refused to share my intentions with Piney Grove while they explored disaffiliation in order to avoid unduly persuading their process, I was forced to declare to the UMC leadership my intentions to choose Piney Grove or the UMC. I knew that I did not want to leave the denomination to which I still felt sincerely called. I had found the big tent nature of the UMC to provide the perfect denominational home for me over the years. However, I could not avoid the feeling that my time with Piney Grove was not yet ready to end. Since I had to declare an allegiance though, I honestly informed my District Superintendent that I did not want to leave the UMC.

Be careful what you pray for!

I spent the next month or so before Piney Grove’s congregational vote on disaffiliation, praying they would somehow discern a path to remain in the denomination. However, God would lead them to vote otherwise, and in a nearly unanimous decision following a very lovingly executed process, Piney Grove decided to formally depart from the UMC. I now had to tell them of my intention. They sincerely expressed their desire for me to remain with them; however, they lovingly expressed their support of whatever direction I chose. After a month of reflection to be certain that my binary choice was in God’s Will, I heartbrokenly informed the congregation I had served for 5 ½ years that I did not want to leave the UMC and therefore would be forced to leave Piney Grove. Thereafter, I prepared for my departure from this very loving and faithful congregation.

I suppose I asked for what would happen next. I had prayed fervently that God would give me some clear direction in this extraordinarily heartbreaking situation. I heard nothing that I could conclusively determine was from God. Until exactly a week before my last Sunday with Piney Grove (I was allowed by UMC Conference leadership to serve through the end of the calendar year). In an experience that I would liken to my initial call-to-ministry encounter, alone in Piney Grove’s empty sanctuary on Christmas Eve, I heard God’s voice unmistakably question me, why not stay? I was shocked, but I could not deny what I had discerned. Yet in that question, to which I could not formulate any acceptable opposition, although I received an unwavering peace, I sensed a challenge to transcend the binary choice that I had been given. Since my paper to the Board of Ministry for annual continuation of my status as a Provisional Elder was due less than two weeks thereafter, I determined that I would honestly transcribe my experience and my feelings surrounding it to the Board and ask them to provide their guidance.

I was shocked when the Board of Ministry approved the continuation of my status as a Provisional Elder for another year. I had presumed they would discontinue me as was their right under the circumstances given what I had communicated – that God was calling me to remain with this disaffiliated church for now. What could this mean? Was God really calling me to reject this binary choice that our Conference leadership’s disaffiliation rules were forcing me to make? In the months since I have reflected on these experiences, I earnestly believe that is precisely what God is calling me to do.

The trap of antiquated binary thinking

How many pastors have been forced into this heartbreaking binary choice between the congregations they loved and the denomination they were called into? What about full-time clergy who rely upon the denomination for their financial support? In my decision, I have been blessed to be bi-vocational and therefore do not depend on the UMC for financial subsistence. However, full-time clergy who depend on the salary they receive and the guaranteed appointments that the UMC offers must have experienced even more stress in the rigid binary choice that our UMC Conference leadership has imposed. Is it loving to demand such allegiance be pronounced by people who are called to love, serve, and shepherd the congregations to which they are called? Is there not a better way? 

I have been told that I need to reflect on the emotions surrounding appointment changes and encouraged to accept that abandoning congregations as I was asked to do with Piney Grove was part of our United Methodist calling. However, the UMC’s itinerant process never contemplated that a congregation would be left wholly without a new incoming shepherd as Piney Grove was poised to endure. Was this the bed they had made? Should they be forced to lie in it? That was the sentiment I sensed from my leadership within the UMC, but is that a loving response? I watched Piney Grove flounder to figure out how they would call a new pastor during this unprecedented change to their 145-year history as a Methodist Church. They were not begging me to remain, but I could not honor my calling as their pastor by walking away from them during this critical time in their history when they needed a shepherd more than ever. I have come to believe that is why God spoke to me in such an undeniable way. However, why should I be forced to give up the larger context of my call to the UMC in order to help these people through this time? There must be a better way.

I have also been told that Piney Grove asked for this, and their decision to leave the denomination must be respected. However, they sincerely desire me to remain and could care less whether I remain United Methodist. They do not see this choice as a binary one in the same way that our UMC Conference leadership does. During this process, I have been told that our resident Bishop has decreed that no United Methodist clergy (active or retired) may serve a disaffiliated church. This is the same bishop who has repeatedly advocated for “new forms of being a connectional church.”  Connection is the backbone of our Methodist tradition.  There must be a better way.

A time for different thinking

As it turns out, there is a better way. In fact, there are numerous avenues articulated under our Discipline to create formal connections with non-United Methodist churches (Cooperative Ecumenical Parishes, Ecumenical Shared Ministries, etc.), and clergy are routinely allowed to serve non-United Methodist Churches through extension appointments. I made a formal request to serve Piney Grove for the next year in an extension appointment, pledging to explore just such a new form of connection. That request was summarily denied.

I offered to take a leave of absence while I helped Piney Grove establish themselves as an independent Methodist Church all while exploring a new form of connection. That offer was prospectively denied. The line in the sand has been drawn. It is apparently us versus them in relation to our UMC Conference leadership’s response to churches that have disaffiliated. I have been told that the harm is currently too fresh to forge a new form of connection in the spirit of our Bishop’s prior rhetoric. However, the harm perpetrated on me and countless other pastors in my position has been utterly ignored.

It is time that the UMC no longer be allowed to ignore such harms its practices surrounding disaffiliation have perpetrated. We are in uncharted territory, but we should use this as an opportunity to show the world how the Church can do more than simply reflect the broken divisions of this world. I stand poised to be a part of that effort. If my career as a pastor in the UMC is destroyed in the process, so be it.

If you have enjoyed this article, please consider subscribing to my Substack. I don’t post on social media (outside church page posts), and I have resisted reducing my thoughts to online writing for many years for fear of memorializing something I would later regret. However, the above-described experience has compelled me to contribute my voice to a situation that I believe unfortunately reflects our current broken binary American culture. I accepted a call to Christian ministry hoping that I could contribute to the Church’s provision of a different path for those who want to transcend the disingenuous lives we so often live. However, I have been heartbroken to find the same experiences in the Church that I was running from in my previous career. I still believe the Church can offer the authenticity the Gospel calls us into. I can’t promise that I’ll publish on this Substack frequently, but I am hopeful that what I do publish will lead to the increase of open-mindedness and authentic relationships - and to the transformation of the Church.

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